TOP SPEED

I Can't Fly 55

We've all heard Sammy sing about how he can't fly 55.  A song that was penned with protest over a federal speed limit law.  And we all know that for a while, Montana didn't have a speed limit.  But did you know that there are other long flat straight roads in this country?  Many in fact. 

I Found one of these roads as I was heading to meet a friend of mine over at WSU.  Now, my friend Chris was a character and 1/2  all the girls loved him, and I was always envious.   He had invited me up to have some fun, and see the land for the weekend.  I hastily obliged and took his pseudo brother David, and My girlfriend.  I was thinking I was the bomb at the time because my girlfriend was, like Chris & I, a runner.  She was hot.  She was also Thirty.  I was 19. I drove a '90 bird with a 5.0 and a 3.42 rear. 

The road was long flat and seemed to drag on forever.  So I decided that I no longer wanted a triple 1/4 pounder with cheese, and we pulled out onto the busy streets. Seriously though, thinking that I had an answer to this problem, I decided to make the road shorter.  So I took out some scissors and started cutting out from my available throttle.  I started with the first Fifty percent.  I was doing well over 80, but for anyone who has ever driven from Seattle to Spokane, you know that 80 is not all that fast.  The real question is why were you going to Spokane?  Seventy five percent on the throttle easily had me in the 100 mph range and time was slowing down for those of us in the car. 

There was just two problems: 

1.  An electro mechanical device which was intended to limit top speeds was introduced into most cars around 1990.  This device is a speed limiter.  (not to be confused with a rev limiter).  In said car it was set to exactly 128.2 mph. 

2.  I came upon Traffic in The Middle of Nowhere, WA.  Population 140, est. 1805 by the spawn of Lewis & Clark themselves.

So I slowed to a modest 80mph and casually passed traffic where I could.  Then I saw him.  He saw me.  He slowed down and I knew he was going to pull me over, so I did what anyone would do... I gave a quick internet poll.  Should I try and outrun him?  (all in car) "YES!"  Are you sure?  (all in car) "Y.."!  My head slammed back with the thrust of my car as I passed the semi in front of me.

I saw the police car complete his turn in my rearview, but he was changing direction, and had to almost stop to turn around.  Ahead of me was no traffic now, and so I let her rip.  I set my cruise control to 128.1 mph. (see problem #1)  From the rearview mirror I could see the patrol car behind me getting smaller, and smaller, then almost disappearing.  Here we find out that the top speed of a Standard State Patrol Car is between 115-120 mph.  I did it!  "I out ran a STATER" I thought to my over testosteroned self.  So the next logical step was to hide.  Where do you hide in Eastern WA?  Unless your a sage bush, a tractor, or a horse, nowhere.  I continued to keep my speed up for another mile or so when the unthinkable happened.

Yes, I hit traffic twice (see problem # 2) in The Middle of Nowhere, WA.  So I slowed down to about 80 mph again, and low and behold that little Stater never gave up.  He started coming at me like a nerd after seeing Paris Hilton in the distance at an E3 convention.    I had no where to hide, I was doomed.  The Officer turned on his lights, and pulled me over just as about 5 other state patrol cars came to back him up.  My heart sank.  I was sure I was going to jail, I let down my friends, and worse, they would take my car. 

I quickly had my license and registration in hand as it by now was now an automatic movement.  So when the cop came over with his gun pointed directly above the freckle on my nose, I was well prepared to tell him how my "Throttle Was Stuck", I wasn't feeling good & had to get where I was going before I got sick (which was now true!), or a whole host of other excuses.  He gave me no time.  He angrily asked if I had "ANY IDEA HOW FAST YOU WERE GOING?"  His gun was pointed straight at my head.  Then In an instant he had me out of the car, cuffed, and 'tossed in the back.  Honestly though, I have never met a nicer man.  He "said you were trying to run from me!"  I knew not to acknowledge that one, so I told the truth...  "No Sir, I have been traveling this fast since I got on I-90 before Snoqualmie just back there."   (which was now almost 200 miles ago)  Since I had actually done that, his internal lie detector that all police officers have, was rendered useless.  "Where are you trying to go in such a hurry?"  he asked.  I told him honestly,  "I was heading to go see my friend at WSU and delivering his little brother."  The cop wrote down every word I said, and then proceeded to go and interview the passengers in my seemingly rocket powered car.

I was sure I was headed to jail.  Wondering what I was going to tell my family, my heart pounded.  The thought of sitting in there over the weekend was not pleasant.  I have never been so scared in my entire life, except once when some weird guy came running at me with a pickle held out from his stretched arms!  What happened next was unthinkable.  In fact it didn’t' even cross my mind.  The very kind policeman knew that I was just a stupid kid, wrote me the biggest reckless driving ticket he could according to RCW section 316, Paragraph 12 line 3, and sent me on my way! 

Think I had good luck? See what happened in court HERE! 

*This is a fictional story that was based on real events that happened somewhere by someone.

1  Spokane is actually a very large, and beautiful city that just happens to be surrounded by lots of NOTHING.  This is confirmed by Spokaneons themselves. 

Copyright © 2007 Paul Carhuff  Click here to go HOME