Why does that supersoaker have a pilot light?

CHILDREN & ADULTS TOO,

DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, FOR ANY REASON AT ALL, TRY THIS AT HOME!

This is a story of mostly fiction for adult entertainment. 

If you don't understand this please press ALT+F4 NOW!

Q: How can you tell when a redneck is about to die?

A: Their death is preceded by the statement "Hey, Check This Out!" or "Look at Me!"

On a particularly cool early autumn night, my best friend and I decided to try something. We already had a fascination with fire, and had recently seen a movie with a flamethrower in it. We thought that was the neatest thing, and somehow came up with the idea to construct one by ourselves. We searched high and low for a suitable method to do this. Then a giant Light bulb went on over our collective heads.

 Summer had come and passed, and the SUPERSOAKER™ would probably not be needed any longer. Therefore, we engineered a few simple modifications. If we had only known the sheer degree of our success, we may not have ever started.

WARNING:   Some knowledge you can't un-know, Just skip over this blank space if you're the kind of person who sees something and says "Oh, I can do that..." or  sees something on TV and tries it out IRL.  There's an award for people like that named after the  father of evolution...
You've been warned...
We took a can of pressurized flammable gas we bought from the local grocery store, placed a washer with a small center hole over the nozzle. We found that we could now just push down on the washer to activate the canister. This was a good start, but Aaron, being as fond of Duct Tape as he was, helped me keep the canister fully and continuously active by wrapping duct tape around the canister lengthwise. The nozzle easily pierced the tape, but the tape held fast against the washer. We plugged the nozzle until the rest of the SUPER HEATER was modified.

We opened up the water reservoir on the Super Soaker and found that it had a wide bottle thread. There was a small white hose with a plastic filter at the end of it. After whacking off the filter, it squirted us with the leftover water from inside. Next, we inserted the tip of the fuel canister nozzle into the white hose after unplugging it. Then we found that our Duct Tape Canister fit snugly inside the reservoir. I wish I had a picture because you could not believe this powerful flamethrower looked like your average squirt gun.

What happened next was unavoidable. We did what any red-blooded American would do if it were the Fourth of July... We lit it on fire! Due to our fuel supply being a gaseous medium, the trigger valve could not hold it 100%. It was designed to hold a liquid, not a gas. A small amount of fuel was constantly leaking from the tip. This was PERFECT as it created a pilot light for our Weapon of Ass destruction. Now for the good part! Testing!

I have Aaron strap me up, and stand back. I did not want him to get hurt. I stood in the middle of the street and pulled the trigger.  Let’s just say that this guys  (This link is broken, but imagine a military flame thrower) piece of work was crap, compared to what we had built.  This mechanism of magma shot a thin, narrow stream of bright red fire about 15 feet forward, where at the end was a completely controllable fireball about 5 feet in diameter with a bright yellow center.  The outdoor air temperature started to warm up as far away as 25 feet.  The infrared could be felt MUCH further away. The light output will be seen by extraterrestrial civilizations (in a few million years). 

Boy was Annie upset.  Annie had dropped by with her kids to keep an eye on the place. We were told that she had no direct authority over us, and so we exploited that fact every chance we got. Aaron strapped up next to try out the device and when Annie looked out the window to see what was causing all that bright light. She let forth the cliché blood-curdling scream you usually only hear from B-rate horror flicks. What did Aaron do next? He pointed it in her direction and ever so briefly pulled the trigger! Now mind you she was well over 80 feet away & in no danger of getting hurt. However, the SUPERSOAKER™ suddenly took on a loud shrill screaming tone, and we then decided to shut 'er down and rapidly go our separate ways. I am not sure why, but I did not see Aaron for a long time after that.

It's true, without using a liquid medium (no mess) you can turn a super soaker (cheap) into a deadly flame thrower in about 5 minutes (easy) if you have the materials ready.  But dear god, please dont!

Copyright © 2025 Paul Carhuff  Click here to go HOME

Wether or not this story is true we hold NO responsibility for what you with your own mind & body decide to do.  I warn against trying this, even if you are a Pyrotechnician in a flame retardant professional stunt environment. 

 SUPERSOAKER™ is a registered trademark of Hasbro, and I am in no way trying to capitalize on their name, but telling a story which IS based upon an actual event with a supersoaker brand squirt gun.

As I reminisce on this peice of art from  long time ago, I'm reminded that
1. I'm old AF now. 
2. I have assets to protect.  Really, DO NOT DO THIS.  Do not sue me if you do try this.  Do not make me out to be the bad guy just for retelling a tale from my youth.